


John vs John

by rikkafish



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-30
Updated: 2012-08-30
Packaged: 2017-11-13 04:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/499481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikkafish/pseuds/rikkafish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John has a memo with himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John vs John

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the johnkat anons :D specifically cg ♥ thanks for the inspiration.

CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board whoa what's this thing do?

CEB: hello?  
CEB: man, this memo thing is stupid.  
CEB: i thought it would be like a chat room.  
CEB: oh well.  
FUTURE ectoBiologist [FEB] 3 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FEB: hi!!  
FEB: whoa does this thing work?  
CEB: what the hell?  
CEB: who are you?  
FEB: i'm you, only three hours in the future or something.  
FEB: i guess that's a thing this memo thing does?  
CEB: right. i'm totally going to believe that.  
CEB: man you must think i'm really stupid.  
CEB: who is this? is this dave? man fuck you dave, this is the worst prank in the history of all the pranks.  
FEB: wow, i'm not dave. why would you even say that?  
FEB: my pranks are way better than whatever ironic shit he could come up with.  
CEB: right. ok, fine. if you really are me, then tell me something only we know.  
FEB: we're in love with karkat.  
CEB: whoa holy shit why are you  
CEB: why would you say that??  
CEB: that's ridiculous.  
FEB: shut up, past self. you can't lie to me. i was you three hours ago, and you'll be me in three hours, and i'll be someone else or whatever.  
FEB: and i know how we feel about karkat.  
CEB: can't he see this? i mean, if he wants.  
FEB: what?  
FEB: probably, but why would he want to?  
CEB: because he's curious about why you're talking to me!  
FEB: if it's not true, why are you worried about him seeing it?  
CEB: he'll get the wrong idea!!  
FEB: look, me, i know what you're thinking. i've been through this conversation before.  
FEB: do you really think i'd say that kind of stuff if i knew karkat was going to see?  
CEB: oh. i guess not.  
CEB: that doesn't seem like a thing i'd do.  
FEB: exactly! so yeah, just admit it. we both know how we feel about him, and it's a good way to prove i'm still you.  
CEB: it's not like i ever told anyone.  
CEB: ...fine, i believe you.  
FEB: you'll be sorry when you find out that i'm actually karkat trying to get information out of you.  
CEB: what?????  
FEB: haha! i'm not karkat. he's not that clever!  
CEB: his pranks do suck a lot.  
FEB: right? geez, remember that time he tried to get back at us for the bucket thing?  
CEB: oh man, you mean when he tried to embarrass us by giving us a bunch of balloons and expecting us to be embarrassed?  
FEB: i think dave told him they were condoms.  
CEB: ha! what a loser.  
CEB: i bet he doesn't even know what a condom is.  
FEB: obviously he doesn't. he thinks they're balloons now.  
CEB: he'll believe anything, geez.  
FEB: yeah, but he's not that bad.  
CEB: i guess not.  
CEB: i mean, he's so angry, and he really bugged the hell out of me at first, but i dunno. he grows on you.  
FEB: like mold.  
CEB: grouchy mold.  
CEB: it's hard to dislike someone when they care so much about everyone.  
FEB: yeah, i know.  
FEB: i feel the same as you, you know.  
FEB: you don't have to explain this stuff to me.  
CEB: oh, right.  
CEB: i guess i never got to talk to anyone about it before.  
FEB: i know what it's like for you, though.  
FEB: i know how it hurts in our chest sometimes when you look at him.  
CEB: sometimes i just grin like an idiot thinking about him.  
FEB: butterflies in my stomach when he talks.  
CEB: the way i have to resist kissing his stupid angry face every time he comes anywhere near me.  
FEB: yeah, i get it.  
FEB: trust me.  
CEB: yeah, i guess you would, since you are me.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [CG] 2 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: WHAT THE HELL???????????????????  
CEB: what the hell?!  
FEB: hehehe.  
CEB: you lied to me!  
FEB: duh.  
FCG: WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT, EGBERT?  
FCG: UH, EGBERTS?  
FCG: WHAT THE FUCK EVER.  
CEB: nothing!!  
CEB: wow way to invade a private conversation.  
FCG: NO, FUCK YOU.  
FCG: ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT ALL THIS SHIT?  
CEB: about all what shit?  
FCG: DON'T PLAY STUPID.  
FCG: THOUGH I GUESS YOU AREN'T REALLY PLAYING STUPID, ARE YOU?  
FCG: LOVE?? SERIOUSLY?  
CEB: oh my god, i'm going to kill myself three hours from now.  
FEB: hehe.  
FEB: i doubt it.  
CEB: fuck you.  
CEB: uh. i mean, fuck me.  
CEB: fuck.  
FCG: WHAT THE HELL, DON'T MAKE ME FIND YOU AND SQUEEZE THIS OUT OF YOU.  
FCG: I'LL DO IT. WITH MY ACTUAL HANDS. AROUND YOUR NECK.  
CEB: don't get violent, karkat.  
CEB: ugh. i can't believe i fell for my own prank.  
CEB: go away karkat!!  
FEB: go talk to me in person!  
CEB banned FCG from responding to memo.  
CEB: wow, i'm going to murder you.  
FEB: no, you're not!  
CEB: why would you do this?  
FEB: come on, self. think it through.  
FEB: geez, i was stupid in the past.  
CEB: you're only three hours older!  
FEB: and i've learned so much.  
FEB: just chill out and wait a couple of hours!  
CEB: wait for what?  
FEB ceased responding to memo.  
CEB: oh wow you asshole!!  
FUTURE ectoBiologist [FEB] 2 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FEB: whoa.  
FEB: trust me, this was worth it.  
CEB: what???  
FEB: oh man.  
FEB: just wait.  
FEB: now excuse me...  
FEB: i've got an angry, lust-filled troll to attend to.  
FEB: ;)  
FEB ceased responding to memo.  
CEB: holy shit.  
CEB: i'm never doing this again.

CEB closed memo.


End file.
